13. Meet Mr. Right Through Online Dating Part 3

              One thing you must know about me is I am tenacious.  I may appear to complain and poor mouth about things that don’t go my way and I may verbalize giving up but I don’t actually give up.  I am ridiculously optimistic in that respect; I continuously move forward as though things will work out even when I don’t necessarily believe they will.  There is something inside me that won’t give up.  I like to think it is a deep-rooted faith in God and His will.  Although it could simply be I’m as stubborn as The Dad is ornery.

                Case in point, I was not having much luck (as you’ve read) on OKCupid or Match.com or any of the other sites whose commercials lie to you about your chance to find love, when I received a message from someone asking if I was frustrated with OKCupid and, if so, to try Zoosk.  As I was indeed frustrated, I opened a Zoosk account, completed the profile, posted recent photos (unlike most everyone else on the internet) and was pleasantly surprised to find I was asked to video myself talking in order to verify I was indeed the person in the posted photos.  I like me some Zoosk y’all.

                I opened my account the week before Christmas and immediately began chatting with several people.  I spent Christmas in the bustling metropolis of Dayton, Ohio, with my family and was only able to communicate through the site and even then at infrequent intervals as I was very busy shopping, eating, playing cards, reminiscing, laughing and watching a one year-old play with four dogs, one cat and 1,645 toy horses.

                When I returned home, I had a nice date with a Vietnamese gentleman who took me to his favorite authentic restaurant.  Authentic meaning the signage, menu and language spoken was Vietnamese.  I had to ask my date what he ordered me.  Whatever it was, it was delicious but as is the case when I eat authentic Asian food, I suffered gastric distress, luckily only after I was alone in my home post-date, which ended very soon after the meal.  I knew he wasn’t my intended betrothed so I didn’t feel bad fleeing into the night.

                I then agreed to meet a very cute Filipino CPA who is 35 and, like me, fond of non-fiction and Karen Carpenter and not a fan of spicy food and flip-flops.  We had a fantastic afternoon date at the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica which lasted for 7.5 hours.  We shared crepes, iced tea, laughs and a long walk with wonderful conversational topics ranging from literature, politics and religion to the British Royal Family, real estate in Mississippi, the proper pronunciation of ‘pecan’ and the definition of ‘boonies’, both in America and the Philippines.  I have never had so much fun achieving my FitBit step goal.  Dates 2, 3, 4 and 5 followed in quick succession.

                This past Sunday he agreed to attend church with me and I warned him, “People are going to want to know who you are. I hope you are prepared for an onslaught of hugs and pointed inquiries as to your role in my life and/or reasons for church attendance.  Oh, and you'll also get a rainbow teddy bear; it's our church's 'thing'.” 

                Ben, his name is Ben, replied, “I’ll just tell them I am your boyfriend and then I’ll just smile.  I’m Asian; they won’t be surprised that I’m quiet.”  My boyfriend, y'all! 

               I am cautiously optimistic that on my list of Ways to Meet Mr. Right, #s 14-26 will be left for someone else’s blog.  Don't worry, I'll keep you all in the loop.

 

Let Me Get You Up To Speed...

     I don't want you to think I have abandoned you, dear readers.  Quite the contrary, I have been busily attempting to date far and wide, and by far and wide I mean Southern LA County and Orange County, which is not geographically large but is time-consuming to traverse.  We measure things in how long it takes to get there as opposed to how far away it is.  For instance, I live 11 miles from Santa Ana, California, but it can sometimes take 45 minutes to get there, so when looking for my future husband, someone residing 30 miles away might as well be in Upper Michigan, y'all.  Seriously.
    But, on to the search:




7.  Meet Mr. Right at Work - While this is not strictly forbidden, it is not recommended.  Just like in the military, as an executive at my hospital, I'm not supposed to fraternize with anyone if I could possibly influence their career.  It's true, y'all; I'm kind of a big deal. 




8.  Meet Mr. Right Through Mail Order - I can't say for certain, but I feel fairly sure this is illegal.  If it's not, it is at the very minimum unsavory.  No offense to any mail order spouses that number among my readers. 




9.  Meet Mr. Right In Palm Springs -  I spend at least one long weekend per month there so I know there is no shortage of momos (what I call gay men).  In PS, I am among my people when it comes to my wardrobe although, full disclosure, they are wearing purple chinos to play golf, I am wearing them to go buy more colored chinos.  And I really did intend on leaving the house to go out and about and meet people but somehow did not find my intended betrothed while eating breakfast at my favorite diner (Don and Sweet Sue's) or shopping at Stein Mart.  And for some reason, there were no eligible men waiting for me in the living room while I binge-watched The Fall, Seasons 1 and 2.  Had there been a man there, I may have fainted dead away or been murdered.  Either way it didn't work.




10.  Meet Mr. Right at Church - I attend an open and affirming church so there are a number of momos there, but most are already coupled.  Interestingly most of the couples are white guy/Asian guy.  I feel pressured to align myself similarly.  There are about five single men from whom I could have made a selection but four of them are not my type and the fifth is Jack to my Will.  He's my Heather and I am his Heather and we are funny and sarcastic together at brunch after church; sometimes while eating donuts before church.  I wanted to find Mr. Right at church or at least a Mr. Right I can take to church.  Church is gonna be in there somewhere, y'all.  I love me some Jesus!  Can I get an Amen?




11.  Meet Mr. Right While Performing Stand Up Comedy at Open Mic Night at a Coffee House - I don't know if I expected someone to take off their shirt and throw it at me while I was performing but it wouldn't have killed someone to have yelled out some random comment about my sexiness or try to buy me a drink or at least a cheddar/chive scone.  All I got from the audience was applause and appreciative head nods from the Neil Young contingency performing their guitar solos after I sat down.  Maybe my expectations were a bit off?




12.  Meet Mr. Right at an Improv Class - I started taking an improvisational comedy class on Saturdays to have fun but to also improve my active listening skills.  It was apparent I needed to improve my skills as I didn't listen to my scene partner and ended up somehow summoning a demon in a manner I still am unable to describe coherently.  I did have fun demonstrating how to put an Easter bunny hat on an angry cat, ignore a customer at the airport and describe the word diagnostic using only my eyebrows.  Maybe the one single guy in the group was intimidated by my awesomeness?  Yeah, that has to be it.




      So far, the list hasn't worked and I haven't found my person, but I am a patient man.  I may have to repeat #3 (online dating) as I have just discovered a new dating app called Zoosk, which is named after the Patron Saint of Displaced Southern Gentleman Looking for Love in Southern California or War. I can't remember.  Wish me luck.